When you are expecting a little bundle of joy people will give you tons of advice and let you know what to expect the first several years. But there are a few minor details people don’t mention.

I sometimes wonder if these little things mothers don’t tell you are because they’ve tried to block infuriating memories and just harbor the good ones. Here are a few things I wish I knew where coming my way….

• Nothing is yours anymore. You share your body with this little sweetheart you created for nine months-two years. Then for the rest of your life you share your bed, jewelry, food, drinks, and beauty products (blush: I still love going through my mom’s make-up drawer! And she always lets me take what I want. Sorry mom).

• Expect to have bruises on your ankles after going to the grocery store. My store has children’s grocery carts. Yeah, my child turns into a maniac when in control of hers. Last week I thought I was going to scream bloody murder in the produce section when Ava came running down the aisle weaving back and forth with your blonde hair flying in the wind, then proceeded to ramp into the back of my ankle. Then laughs her little rear end off about it while I’m fighting back tears. You bite your lip, take a several deep breathes and pray God gives you the grace to not flip out in Kroger.

• Speaking of Kroger….Say goodbye to your quarters, claw machines will own them from now on. On long work day afternoons when you need a pick-me up, you go to get a drink from the coke machine at work; open your wallet to find it completely empty you will curse Kroger and claw machines to no end. Just accept it.

• I always feel like those mothers that say, “Oh my baby has been sleeping the whole night through since she was a few weeks old!!” are full of it…. or damn lucky! Ava is almost eight now and has not slept a full night through since she was born. I’m tired, I have dark circles under my eyes, I’m getting wrinkles – give me sleep child!

• Always, and I do mean ALWAYS, check the pockets of your child’s clothes before washing! Nothing is worse than opening your washing machine to find GAK all over your clothes.

• Since when do I own a hamster? Expect to find shredded bits of paper everywhere. I mean everywhere, the backseat of the car, the bathroom, the utensil drawer in the kitchen, the couch…when she does all this shredding, I have no clue.

After a long day of demands, tantrums and never ending running around expect to get snuggles and a sweet voice saying, “I love you mommy. You are the best mom in the whole world.” The bruises, headaches and cookie crumbs floating in your water bottle don’t seem to matter anymore. Knowing you have created a sweet, caring, creative human being is all that matters.